Thin is Not SEXY

Young beautiful women around the globe are preparing themselves for the Ms Universe 2009 pageant. Many of these young women prepared themselves months before by starving & working out in the gym with insanity.

I shared with nobody about my aneroxia issues when I was 19 because I feel proud secretly of being one at that time. Standing at 1.73m, my minimum weight at that time was 49kg.

Ms. Australia weighs 49kg too, except that she is much taller at 1.75m.

My eating problems begins when I was shortlisted for an airline job. Not that I was overweight or anything, just that the rest of my batchgirls are really petite and THIN. I was really jealous of their tiny frame!

It all started when a batch girl passed me some laxatives, she told me that it works on her.

I started taking it and went to the doctor to request for more. The doctor gave despite I had a healthy BMI.

In addition to taking the laxatives, I started counting calories.I gave excuses to miss meals and drink water when my body was begging for food. It started with missing one meal initially but eventually I stopped eating entirely. To act normal in front of my peers, I eat very slowly and gave excuses that I couldnt finish my meals. Or will just go for Milo when everybody is eating a normal meal.

My weight drop to 54kg in 2 weeks, I was overjoyed.

I continue with my disgusting ways to eat rotten food to induce diarrhoea, or digging my throat to induce vomitting after my meals. I also overdosed on the laxatives by taking twice the amount the doctor prescribed.

And I stop eating entirely because there was no hunger pangs. To stay alive I drink Pokka lemon tea.

I will stand naked before the mirror in my room, admiring the protruding ribcage, hipbones and sunken cheeks. There was no boobs left to fill even a cup A. I feel proud when my neighbours 'kaypoh' to my mum that I look too thin. I feel proud when I walk into fashion stores asking for size small or 24 inch pants. Eventually, I weighed only 49kg.

I blended in well with the rest of the girls because everyone was pencil THIN. But the auntie who tailored made my kebaya was nagging non-stop about the extra work she needs to do as the kabaya seems 'too big' for me everytime.

I feel lathargic,suffered irregular heartbeats,dry mouth and often breaks out in cold sweat. These are our body internal defence to guard remaining body mass.

On the way back from airline training centre, I felt a sudden numbness on the left side of my body. Being medically sound, I know the numbess on one side was either for stroke or epilepsy fits. These happens when the body sugar level is too low, the low blood count cause the heart to pump insufficient blood to the brain causing either fits or stroke.

I grab an ice-cream sundae at Mac's to load on the sugar. It is the fastest way to stay alive as the dissolved milk and chocolate will provide some cheap nutrients and sugar to my weak body.

I stop dieting & started eating..although I still count calories these days.

Many times, young girls envy the job I have but they wasn't aware of the ugly truth behind the beautiful faces. I'm not keen to share the details so as not to dampen their passion for flying.

Now, I weigh 57kg & the fats fills in the right places. It feels sexy to be curvy and comfortable in your own skin. Although, I missed the ribcage protruding days..some tone up at the gym will do the trick too :)

The main intention of posting this on my blog is to remind all young women that thin is not sexy. A sexy woman should physically have some curves and feels comfortable in her own skin. I think that is so irresistable *winks*

If you are also battling with aneroxia, please seek help! Aneroxic can kills!